Smiling At the Future

“It’s not about you.”

Yep.  That’s the one.  Have you read the Purpose Driven Life?  If you have, you know that’s the first sentence of that book.

So, since it’s not about you, let’s talk a little about me.  (insert bad-joke-rimshot here)

First, let me set the scene by telling you that for years, my mom said over and over and over again, “Well, we know Deb will never read the Purpose Driven LIfe.  She’ll never read a book that starts with the sentence, ‘It’s not about you.’”

And here’s the thing.  She was right.  Except that I actually did try to read it.  I’d heard about it.  So I got the book.  And I read that first part and went, “Okay.”

It just didn’t register.  So eventually, after making it all the way to day 2 or maybe 3….I gave it to someone or donated it somewhere or something.  And went on about my life.

Then it happened.  Again.  I went through a time where I was used, lied to, betrayed, abandoned.  Again.  This time, by someone who knew about the times before and knew that I might not withstand going through that yet again and worked hard to convince me that I could place my trust there.  So this time, it cut deeper than before.  And this time, came close to being too much for me to handle.  All the ways I’d used to cope before or get through before weren’t working anymore.  I was falling apart.

One of the things that I’d used to cope before was to put up walls and defenses designed to keep people out.  I focused more and more focused on ‘me’ not because my heart was two sizes too small, but because I’d been so hurt so often that I was trying to protect myself.  And….I’d determined that something must be seriously wrong with me, that I was inherently and possibly permanently damaged  –  and that I better figure it out and fix it before it was too late.  Navel-gazing ensued.

Then the other thing happened.  It was on that day that I lost the weight and ‘got it’ and understood in a way that I’d never understood before.  It was on the day my heart broke — open.

Suddenly, I started thinking about others.  My prayers started being about other people more than me. (Hmmm.  Interesting, huh?)   My prayers started becoming more about praise and gratitude.  My prayers started being about asking about His will, and not mine.  ;-)

And suddenly, I began to eagerly seek ways to be of use and of service to God and to others. And throughout all that, I found peace — even in the midst of a current storm.

Now.  I know.  It’s ironic, huh?  Because it’s not about me and this whole post was all about me.  ;-)

Except it’s not.

Because I didn’t do it.  I wasn’t seeking to become less selfish.  I wasn’t looking for that particular light to go off in my head.  That wasn’t what I was looking for at all.  And once I saw it, I didn’t change it.  I didn’t change it by my own willpower or by trying harder or figuring it out and fixing it myself.  I didn’t change it through a program or even monitoring and changing my own thoughts.

I didn’t bring myself joy or peace or hope or even love.

God did all that.

And He can (and will) do the same for you.

So, since it’s not about me…..what about you?  What has God helped you overcome that you couldn’t overcome on your own?  What has He changed that you didn’t even know needed changing?

Love,

deb

We struggle.  We try.  We fail.  We beat ourselves up when it doesn’t work.  We determine we’ll do better.  We try again.  We do well for a while.  We get rid of it.  We keep it off.  We put it back on.  We blame our circumstances and the temptations we couldn’t avoid.  We put more back on than we had before.  We find another program and think we’ve got it handled this time.  And so we try again, more determined than the last and the cycle starts again.

We understand that it’s connected somehow to our past.  It’s connected to our emotions.  It has to do with the way we think.  But still, we can’t seem to get rid of it for good.

What is ‘it’?  It’s the pain.  It’s the hurt of rejection.  It’s what they did to us, what they said to us.  It’s how we reacted, how we behaved, the things we’ve done and said to others.  It’s the fear.  It’s the anger.

And we’ve tried everything.  We’ve tried seminars and self-help books.  We’ve tried talking to our friends about the problem over and over again.  We’ve tried it all.  And somehow, we have some tiny bit of faith that there’s an answer out there, that there’s hope.  But we keep trying to think our way out of it.  We keep trying to change our thoughts, change our behaviors, get different results.

But Einstein said it:  We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

And the truth is that if you’ve got all that baggage weighing you down, you can’t think your way out of it on your own.  Your heart is still the same.

If you’re at all like me, while you might realize something is not quite right and you might even be using some of the right tools, until you see how much baggage is really weighing you down, it won’t truly change.  Until your heart changes, all the thinking in the world won’t set you free.

I had what some refer to as a ‘hardened heart.’  I was tough.  I was strong.  And my heart was hard.  I built up walls and defenses.  And from time to time, the anger would come lashing out, usually in the small areas or at the wrong people.

And the truth is that no one wakes up in the morning thinking, “I’m going to be a big anger ball” this morning.  Or “I’m going to be full of stress as I try to keep all the bad stuff out and wall my heart in and not be open and vulnerable ever again.”

Your thinking, your emotions, the ways you’ve dealt with whatever you’re facing?   That’s what got you ‘here’.  It takes something else.  It takes someone else — outside of you.

For me, I was in what has been one of the worst moments of my life.  I was angry.  I was terrified.  I was feeling lost and confused and hurt.  Again.  And yes, I had reason.  Again.  Yes, I have enemies. A former ‘best friend’ (but that’s often how that happens, isn’t it?)

But I was sitting in a class, at church, where I usually put my ‘best face’ on to keep ‘you’ from knowing there was a problem and keep you at a distance.  And ironically (or maybe not so ironically), the lesson that day was on ‘making your mess your message.’  And as people were sharing something they’d been through in their past that they could then use to reach out and help others, something happened.

Rather than do what I usually do, I opened up.  I told these people I barely knew that I was ‘in the middle of that type of situation right this very moment.’  I didn’t give details.  They didn’t need them.  And those people reached out in support.  Small moves, to be sure.  They didn’t try to fix the problem or solve the dilemma.  They just reached out.

And in that moment, the scales fell from my eyes.

And I literally felt my heart break.  Open.  The hard casing, the walls I’d built up, cracked.  And I felt peace.  And I ‘got it’.  I got what grace means.  And I got what forgiveness, of myself and of others, was about.  (Yes.  We are told to forgive, bless, and even love our ‘enemies’.)  I got that it was all going to be okay.

I began asking for help.  I began reaching out.  And I found it.

Do you want to lose that weight and keep it off?

We’re told exactly how in Matt. 11:28-30

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart;  and you shall find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.”

There’s more to do after that.  But that’s the beginning.  That’s where it starts.  It’s the beginning of a journey that will only grow and expand, that is full of joy and love and peace.  And that journey is a whole lot easier to make and you can go a whole lot more quickly, without all that weight.

What do you need to leave behind?  What do you need to let go of?  What weight can you get rid of for good?

Love,

deb

P.S.  A programming note:  I’ve been lining up other women to write guest posts here, those who are smart, engaged, willing and more than able to help build up our community here.  The first appears tomorrow.  So check back!  ;-)